37,000 years ago, the Business Walrus crawled out of Lake Michigan and into human society with one goal in mind: to become the wealthiest, most powerful investor the world has ever known.

Many centuries later, he has achieved this goal and then some, having established himself as the driving force behind some of the most revolutionary products of all time, from the locomotive train to ground beef to those cute little ties that cowboys wear. He has also been behind some disastrous innovations, such as a chair that bites you and the Vietnam War, but that’s neither here nor there. What matters is that the Business Walrus has billions and billions of dollars ready to invest in YOUR ideas—you just have to woo him first.

Woo The Walrus is a ridiculously fun and hilarious card game where players invent outrageous products in hopes of winning billion-dollar investments from the world’s most renowned tusked financier, the Business Walrus.

The game starts with one player assuming the role of BUSINESS WALRUS, while everyone else plays as a LOWLY ENTREPRENEUR. At the beginning of each round, the BUSINESS WALRUS randomly draws an ASK card, which details which type of product he’s looking to invest in. Then, the LOWLY ENTREPRENEURS must quickly work to come up with a product idea that satisfies the requirements of the ASK card. However, the catch is that they must play one MUST HAVE card, which details a specific feature that must be incorporated into their product.

Once everyone has come up with a product idea, the LOWLY ENTREPRENEURS then take turns pitching their ideas to the BUSINESS WALRUS. After everyone has pitched, the BUSINESS WALRUS awards a $1 BILLION INVESTMENT to the LOWLY ENTREPRENEUR with his favorite product idea. In addition to the investment, the winning LOWLY ENTREPRENEUR is also awarded a WALRUS SURPRISE card, which contains a special twist that can be strategically employed at a time of their choosing to either benefit themselves or hinder an opponent. 

At the start of each new round, the BUSINESS WALRUS passes the role onto the player to his left, and he then becomes a LOWLY ENTREPRENEUR. This process continues until the game’s conclusion. The first player to successfully earn $3 billion in investments from the BUSINESS WALRUS is named the winner, while the losing players are condemned to a life of poverty and woe.